How to Give Negative Feedback (in a Positive Way)
Dale Carnegie's “How to Win Friends and Influence People” has stood the test of time as a best-selling book for good reason. Its simple yet effective tips, when implemented consistently, can greatly improve communication skills, particularly in the realm of giving feedback.
This is an essential skill for leaders in any capacity, whether it be as the head of a large company or the leader of a small team project. Even in non-professional settings, such as relationships with friends and family, the ability to give feedback effectively can be valuable.
However, giving feedback can be challenging, especially for those for whom English is not their native language. Carnegie offers several key strategies to consider when delivering feedback.
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These include starting with praise and genuine appreciation, avoiding accusations and using more specific language, addressing mistakes indirectly, acknowledging one's own errors before criticizing others, asking questions instead of giving direct orders, and being mindful of the other person's ego and pride.
It is also important to recognize that every job has a learning curve and to be empathetic towards others' experiences and expertise.
Here are some key takeaways from Part 4 of “How to Win Friends and Influence People” titled, Be a Leader—How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Rousing Resentment:
Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
When providing feedback or criticism, it is important to begin with a compliment and avoid making accusations. For instance, instead of saying "Why are you always late?", try saying something like, "I really appreciate your punctuality. It was surprising to receive your last two reports a bit later than usual. Is there something going on or anything we can do to offer you more support?"
Also, be mindful of how you use general words like "always" and "never" because they can be counterproductive. They may cause the other person to become defensive and lead to confrontation. By starting with a positive remark and avoiding broad, accusatory language, you can set a more constructive and respectful tone for the conversation.
Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.
Using the word “and” rather than “but” when providing feedback can help frame the conversation in a more positive light and prevent hurt feelings and resentment.
This small but significant change in word choice can go a long way in promoting a constructive and respectful dialogue.
Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
It is important to keep in mind that every job has a learning curve and that it takes time and experience to acquire expertise.
By actively cultivating empathy and remembering your own journey to mastery, you can better understand and support the growth and development of others.
Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
Rather than giving direct orders, try asking questions to encourage collaboration and shared ownership. Some phrases that may be useful in this regard include:
Could you consider this option?
Do you think this approach might work?
How do you envision us moving forward with this?
By framing requests in the form of questions, you can foster a more open and inclusive dialogue that allows others to feel more invested in the decision-making process.
Let the other person save face.
It is important to be mindful of the impact your words and actions may have on others' pride and ego.
To avoid causing unnecessary offense or damage, it is advisable to avoid confrontations in front of others and to be respectful of the other person's feelings and reputation.
Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement.
To foster a positive and supportive environment, it is essential to consistently acknowledge and praise even the smallest improvements.
By offering sincere and specific compliments on genuine improvements and professional qualities, you can not only recognize the other person's efforts, but also encourage them to continue making progress. This will help build confidence and motivation, and ultimately contribute to long-term success.
Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
One way to support and motivate others is to acknowledge and build upon their strengths and positive qualities.
By giving them a fine reputation to live up to and speaking to them in a respectful and encouraging manner, as if they are already achieving at a higher level, you can help them feel more confident and motivated to reach their full potential.
Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
Encouragement and a positive attitude can go a long way in helping others overcome challenges or address areas for improvement.
By offering encouragement and framing issues in a way that makes them seem more manageable and easy to correct, you can help the other person perceive the situation more optimistically and increase the likelihood of a successful outcome.
Perception can significantly impact the way we approach and solve problems, and by fostering a more positive outlook, you can help others feel more confident and motivated to tackle any obstacles that come their way.
Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.
To increase the likelihood that your requests will be met positively, it can be helpful to approach them in a way that makes the other person happy about fulfilling them. This may involve framing the request as a favor, offering incentives, or considering how it could benefit the other person.
By presenting the request in a positive and mutually beneficial light, you can increase the chances that it will be readily accepted.
Implementing these strategies will help you provide feedback in a way that is constructive, respectful, and likely to be well-received.
Communication Is Key
Technical skills get you hired, but soft skills get you promoted. Interpersonal communication, in particular, is a soft skill that plays a crucial role in career advancement.
Invest in your future by investing time and effort to improve your communication skills. You got this!
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“Tannia is a very authentic person and is able to provide clients powerful and versatile communication tools that can be employed in daily conversations, in negotiations or in meetings. Recently, an American client told me that she’s really impressed with my English. It felt awesome. Thanks, Tannia, for your support!” —Chris G.